Week 22– I’m Conflicted

The Scientist Has a Conflict

Up until our reading of Haanel this Monday, I have been pretty much all into belief.  The coupling of thought to  feeling has been intermittent but still something I’ve been working on.  And then the action which follows and the results to validate the action, belief and thought was a done deal.  I am what I think I am.  As my grandson says, “I am the boss of me!”

SO where is the conflict?  The conflict is in my personal experience which revolves around my childhood and early adolescence.  This is not a pity party so don’t go there.  I’m not.  In 1955, I contracted Polio and was affected primarily in my left leg and arm.  I wore a left lower leg brace, used crutches, and eventually developed enough collateral muscle control to get around without either.  I played some sports, kind of like the token kid in the YouTube video who the coach puts in at the end of a non-crucial time and hits 3 pointer after three pointer.  Only I just enjoyed getting my hands on the ball, not doing something great with it.  My parents advised me to use my head and do well in school because that was the only way I would be competitive.  I was a good student.

We were raised Catholic and one of the beliefs in that and many religions is the healing power of prayer.  We are currently meditating in our sits and connecting with the Universal.  I call that God and others may call it something else.  The point is that we are all connected and that the absence of health is disease.  We can influence this process by our belief in and connection to God in our prayerful sits.  Well, I had this connection pretty shattered as a 7 or 8 year old when we basically made a “pilgrimage” to the Basilica of the Shrine of Mary, Help of Christians, at Holy Hill, in Hubertus, Wisconsin.

A place of miracles
A place of miracles

What I remember from our visit was the walls as one walks into the place are decorated with crutches and braces from those who had been made whole from whatever their affliction.

“Even before the building of the first log chapel, pilgrims left crutches, leg braces and canes at Holy Hill. Today, this practice is continued by pilgrims who believe that Mary and her son, the Lord Jesus Christ, have healed them through the power of intercessory prayer.”

No longer needed for many
No longer needed for many             by Kevin Boos

It basically is a place of miracles and I believed (with feeling, I might add) that my metal accoutrements where going to be placed alongside the others that day.   I did my prepubescent version of the sit for a couple of hours, it seems.  I wanted a miracle which was not to come.  At least in the way I subconsciously thought and felt  that it was going to happen.  I supposed my parents were just as disappointed as I, but we left the place still in awe of it’s beauty and feeling unworthy to have been granted the miracle we expected.

So, back to the conflict I have this week.  In the intro, second paragraph,  am I to believe that all of this is the manifestation of “fear, worry, care, anxiety” and so on?  Or did I not really get infected with a virus which shortly thereafter would be eradicated from our nation.

Back then, I tried to use the power of the mind, in union with the Universal, a.k.a. prayer, to be healed.  Oh please!  Could the vibrations so created make the anterior horn cells come back from the dead.  Once something is dead… well, you know,  it’s dead.

I’m having a little difficulty with the reading for week 22.  No doubt some disease can be helped by these mental therapeutics.  Discernment and selectivity will improve the statistics but certainly not every disease will be helped by this approach and is that why I’m conflicted?  When do we decide what is curable and what is hopelessly defective?  Why is the response by the Universal so entirely different from what we expected?  Could our thoughtful and subconscious focus vibrate into something so entirely unexpected, that we can’t recognize the miracle happened in a so far different way and we can’t “see” it.  That’s too convenient an answer.

I don’t know…I’m still conflicted.




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I was born in the same hospital I trained in almost 65 years ago. Family came from good old Germanic stock matched with my Irish mother's value added good cooking and discipline. I had four brothers and I was the oldest. Education was with the Notre Dame nuns, the Jesuit priests, and then the Holy Cross fathers at Notre Dame. I completed my medical school back in Milwaukee and actually trained in the same hospital I was born in. My best thing that ever happened to me was meeting and then marrying my Kathy, a patient and loving gal who has given me three great sons and a lot of her patience. The story is longer, but for now check out donketterhagen.com for more specifics. We spend our days building a Lyoness shopping network and living in the mountains of North Carolina in the summer and Estero, Florida over the winter. Life is good.

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